What They Don't Tell You

When you are pregnant with your first child, handy dandy little lists of what to expect are everywhere you look.  A simple google search will reveal lists, advice columns and blogs galore highlighting all the important things you need to know about having your first child.  Information is everywhere.  Things change when you are pregnant with your second child.  I guess people assume you know it all by the time you get to this point.  I mean you've already had a kid, so really what else is new?

A lot I've learned.  If anything, this second pregnancy has been harder than my first.  Although I've experienced the rodeo before, I'm riding a whole new bull.  Here is a list of things I wish someone had told me prior to pregnancy #2:

1.  You will "feel" pregnant a whole lot sooner.  I was sorely unprepared for this little tidbit.  Although morning sickness hit early on and continued throughout my pregnancy with my daughter, I didn't really "feel" pregnant till late second/early third trimester.  By feel, I mean that undeniable physical ache that overtakes your body and morphs you into a ninety year old.  Before I even made it through my first trimester, I had that pregnancy feel.  My stomach felt heavier, my back ached, sleep became difficult, I even looked pregnant earlier.  The timetable is certainly sped up the second time around.

2.  Don't expect this pregnancy to be similar or different from your first.  This pregnancy will be its own.  Since I spent the entirety, and I mean entirety, of my first pregnancy battling morning sickness, I was sure the pregnancy gods would play it easy on me the second time around.  Nope.  I've spent the last thirty weeks sick as a dog.  Although it is your second go around, it is still a whole new human you are creating.  Just as no two people are created the same, neither are any two pregnancies. 

3.  Exhaustion is an understatement.  I spent my entire first trimester of my first pregnancy going to work, coming home and sleeping until the next day when I would do it all over again.  I thought I knew what exhaustion was then, although a newborn quickly disproved that theory.  However, now I think I am as equally exhausted as I was when I had a newborn.  I think this point is especially true for people who have their kids close together.  My daughter was 8 months old when I found out I was pregnant.  She wasn't sleeping through the night yet, which meant neither was I.  My sleep schedule is determined by hers and I have a child who DOES NOT nap.  A non napping child means a non napping Momma.

4. You have another child to take care of.  I know this is pretty obvious.  Second pregnancy means you already have one child, but somehow this thought never *really* crossed my mind till I was completely overcome with exhaustion.  With this pregnancy, I can't just drop everything and take a nap when I feel like it or hop into the bathtub for an hour long soak.  Now I get to throw up and then go make my daughter lunch. 

5.  Making appointments is a pain in the arse.  Since I am a SAHM, you would think it would be pretty easy to schedule doctor and lab appointments.  How I wish that was true.  Instead, I have to coordinate all of my appointments with my husband's days off.  I didn't do that once and I will never make that mistake again.  It is not fun trying to hold your wiggling toddler while the doctor tries to measure your fundal height and forget about getting lab work done.  That was a complete disaster.

6.  Time flies by.  I'm 30 weeks into this gig and it seriously feels as though I just found out I was pregnant.  I can't emphasize enough how fast pregnancy flies when you already have children in the house.

7.  Being informed can make for interesting doctor's appointments.  I'm no longer a newbie.  I know what it feels like to have your baby kick, what Braxton Hicks contractions feel like and what labor is all about.  It also means I'm not as likely to take the doctor's advice/concerns/tests as openly as I did last time.  Although I've always been a big researcher and questioned a lot with my last pregnancy, I'm finding myself questioning things even more this go around.  My appointments are always quite entertaining as I take the more natural approach and my doctor obviously takes a more medical approach.  I believe knowledge is power and I appreciate the fact that I have more knowledge this time around.

8.  Rude comments only increase.  I honestly thought the advice and comments of strangers would not be a factor this time around.  I mean I have a child, a living child, to prove that I am capable of parenting.  That's not good enough for people though.  It only invites more criticism as now people feel they can not only comment on your current pregnancy, but your parenting job thus far with your other child.  Rudest comment to date, "Surely you are going to do things differently this time around."  If pregnancy teaches you anything, it should be there is no limit to what can come out of people's mouths.

Second timers, what else would you add to this list?  What do you wish people had told you beforehand?  What did you learn along the way?

Confessions of the Crunchy

Confession 1:  I’m a babywearing momma.

Hands down, without a question, the best baby device we ever bought was our Boba (yes, it even beats out my beloved BumGenius diapers, which I seriously have a crush on).  Research proves that babywearing is extremely beneficial to babies (and parents). From my real life experience there is no way I would ever consider not doing it. 

Babywearing allows my daughter to be close to me, which helps her regulate her digestion and breathing.  It lets her actually see people’s faces, as opposed to their kneecaps (which is the view most strollers offer).  She can see how I interact with others and how I handle different stimuli.  It offers her the chance to bury her head in my chest when she is overwhelmed or to look around eagerly when she is exposed to a new setting.  It lets me kiss her sweet little head whenever I want and offers us plenty of chances to communicate.  I’m able to do household chores, like dishes, laundry and cooking, all with her pressed close to my heart.  Plus, it is so much easier to throw the Boba on and put her in it then it is to get out a stroller.  Since we are a huge outdoor family, it has allowed us to continue hiking and exploring as most places we go a stroller wouldn’t.  My husband jokes that the Boba has seen more miles than my car, which honestly might not be all that false.

Confession 2:  I’m a co-sleeping momma.

            It makes sense that if I want my daughter close to me during the day, I would want her close to me at night as well.  I love snuggling with her in bed and the reassurance I get when I wake up in the middle of the night with her right next to me.  She just recently, within this month actually, began sleeping through the night.  Having her in bed with me gave me an opportunity to calm her without necessarily having to get out of bed.  Any sleep deprived momma out there knows even a few extra minutes of sleep is gold.  The best bonus out of this is seeing my husband and daughter cuddle together when I wake up before them.

 

          Although my real life experiences with babywearing and co-sleeping assure me that both things are the right fit for my family, I have learned this past year that a lot of individuals are strongly opposed to both practices. Although I have found a safe haven at Eco Chic Baby, friends, family and perfect strangers on the street have made it deafeningly clear to me that my choices aren’t quite the norm.  “How is your daughter ever going to learn to walk if you carry her everywhere?”  “You can suffocate your child by sleeping with them.”  “You are damaging your child by keeping her that close to you.  Parents need their own space.”  Yadda yadda yadda.  It seems everyone has an opinion once you have a child and most aren’t afraid to share it (even though you would gladly pay them not too).  I know some of you out there are shaking your heads in agreement right now as I honestly think it’s a universal phenomenon that all new parents encounter.

Confession 3:  I’m 28 weeks pregnant.

      

          But, what I didn’t know was the advice only gets worse with your second pregnancy (I can only imagine what people say on third, fourth, etc pregnancies).  To date this is my favorite statement – “You’re going to do it differently this time around, right?”  I have gotten this same statement, worded a little differently each time, more times than I can count.  95% of them have come while I was wearing my daughter in the Boba.  My response, “Why?  She’s alive, isn’t she?”  Granted, this is probably a bit more snarky than is considered polite (I know my Grandma would be shaking her head if she ever heard me say that), and I’m working on showing more grace, but really?  What’s a momma suppose to do?  In my opinion, you do what you feel is right for your child and your family. 

Confession 4:  I’m babywearing and co-sleeping while 28 weeks pregnant.

            This is where most people begin to think I’m a bit nutty and possibly have lost my marbles.  Those who have accepted my practice of babywearing and co-sleeping even give me a little eye roll when they see my pregnant self rocking my Boba with my thirteen month in it.  For some reason there is a perception that either one or both of these practices have to end during pregnancy, but honestly I see no reason to give up either.  My biggest concern about having a second child was making my first child feel as though we didn’t love her enough or drastically changing her lifestyle.  Thus, when I found out I was pregnant when my daughter was seven months old (our plan was to always have our children two years or less apart in age), I knew that I would continue to wear her as long as I was able to and she would remain in our bed until she decided it was time for her to move on. 

            Continuing to babywear and co-sleep while carrying another growing child in your womb isn’t always the easiest thing in the world to do, but I’m very happy with my decision to continue to do so.  Here are some things that I have found that have made pregnant babywearing easier:

1.      Know your limitations.  I once hiked a two hour, straight up hill trail at Yosemite while carrying my daughter in the Boba.  Frankly, that’s not going to happen now.  I have found listening to your body is crucial when wearing your baby during pregnancy.  Some days I can easily carry her for a couple of hours, while others half an hour is the max I can handle. 

2.      Switch to a back carry when baby gets too big or heavy.  This has been the hardest for me as I honestly prefer the front carry over the back carry.  There is something about being able to look my daughter in the eyes that keeps her glued to my front.  I still carry her there 90% of the time, but when my body needs a break, the back is a lot less pressure on my tummy.  I can foresee a lot more back carries coming during this last trimester as my stomach is growing.

3.      Don’t be afraid to adjust, adjust, adjust.  I used to have my Boba dialed in to how I liked it and all I would have to do is strap it on.  Now I fiddle with it every time I use it.  Pregnant bodies feel different on a daily basis, so don’t be afraid to make the Boba (or any other wrap) match your body’s changes.

4.      Let someone else babywear.  My husband has been ecstatic over the fact that he gets to wear our daughter more.  You see we used to constantly fight over who got to wear her, but I typically won out.  Now I let him wear her more when I need a break or we are out for several hours in a row.

5.      If your current carrier isn’t working for you, look at different options.  So far the Boba has worked perfectly for us, but if my stomach starts to get too big or it starts to get too uncomfortable, you can bet your bottom dollar I will be out there finding a better solution.  There are several options with woven wraps that allow for a hip carry, which would probably work really well with a bulging gut.

6.      This is the most important lesson of all: GO TO THE BATHROOM BEFORE YOU START WEARING.  We all know how sensitive a pregnant woman’s bladder is and having a child pressed up against it makes it that much worse.  Going to the bathroom right before I put my daughter on has saved me a lot of discomfort.

Co-sleeping while pregnant hasn’t been nearly as difficult as babywearing.  However, here are a few ideas for making that easier:

1.      Make adjustments as needed.  My daughter loves to sleep on top of me.  Literally.  Although this wasn’t always the most comfortable sleeping position for me, I got used to it as time went on.  However, when I hit that point in pregnancy when lying on my back equated death, I knew I needed to make some adjustments.  I now lay her down on two stacked pillows with my arm underneath her.  This allows her the incline she likes and the closeness she desires, while affording me the comfort of lying on my side.  Once she is asleep, I change my position and she usually moves off the pillows, but that initial position allowed us both to fall asleep more comfortably.

2.      Consider a sidecar.  We are already thinking about how we are going to manage a bed of four.  It would be unsafe to have our toddler sleeping next to our newborn, so we’ve been playing around with a few ideas.  We have a co sleeper that the newborn could use or we could push a toddler bed up against our bed for our daughter to sleep in. Right now we are trying out the second option.  So far, she wants nothing to do with it, but it’s only been out for two weeks.  The thing is to try different solutions out before giving up on something you deeply believe in.  We still have a few months to sort things out, but starting to think about it now ensures we will have a happy full bed of four in the near distant future.

Confession 5:  I’m nothing but proud about it.

            I have learned a lot of things about being a momma and one of them is to stick to your guns on things you feel strongly about.  For me, that includes babywearing and co-sleeping.

How many of you are babywearing, co-sleeping, pregnant mommas out there?  What advice can you give to other pregnant mommas?

 

 

             

 

The To-Dos of 2013

Before I became a Momma, New Years Eve marked a day of purging, cleaning and fresh starts. I would excitedly spend the day scrubbing the house from top to bottom, toothbrush in hand to hit all the tiny crevices, emptying out drawers and filling trash bags full of items no longer in use eager to purge our home of any and all clutter.  While this gave me goosebumps of excitement, it would send my husband into a spiral of nerves as he would try to save whatever belongings he could sneak out of the donation piles without me noticing.  You see, he isn't quite on board the "I hate clutter" train.  Instead, he tends to try to derail it.  But, once this train gets a moving, there is no stopping her.  (He hasn't quite figured out that I know all of his stash spots, so the next day I visit them all, reclaiming the clutter he tries to keep.  He has never noticed that I take them back.)

Once my marathon cleaning and purging sessions are over, marked only by floors clean enough to eat off and a trunk full to the brim of donations, I would get out my trusty notepad and one of my adored pens and go to town mapping out my resolutions and to-dos for the upcoming year.  You see I'm one of those people.  You know the ones...the organized to the brim, always working on a to-do project, activities planned out months in advance type of person.  Think Jennifer Lopez in The Wedding Planner (and I will unashamedly admit that I have vacuumed cleaned my curtains before).  It gave me thrills to be so organized and on top of things, a giddy high that few other things in life can give me. 

Enter motherhood.  I gave birth to the love of my life on December 28, 2011.  We came home from the hospital New Years Eve that year and for the first time in my entire existence, I didn't scrub my house down, I didn't purge the house to its bare necessities and I certainly didn't map out any plans for the upcoming year.  Instead, I spent the day doing something far more important - I took care of my daughter.  I fed her, I held her, I sang to her, I changed her diaper far too many times to count and I fell completely and madly in love with her.  I let the organized to the till Heather go and embraced the go with the flow Momma within me.

When 2013 began its stealthily approach, I began to freak out a bit.  I desperately wanted to partake in my ritual of cleaning and purging, but with an active one year old on board and a growing pregnant tummy, it just wasn't realistic.  Don't get me wrong, I still clean and I still purge, but its done over time now a days.  However, I could still manage to hold onto one of my pre-Momma traditions and I so I sat down and mapped out some to-dos for the upcoming year.  They aren't as detailed or time consuming as they once were, but frankly nothing in my life is after motherhood.



1.  Focusing more time on cultivating a strong family core for my growing family.  This will be another year of change for us as we welcome our second child in May.  I want my children to know how valued and loved they are and for my husband to never doubt or second guess my feelings for him.  I want to make lasting family memories and traditions.

2.  Have more face to face interactions with people.  In this technology driven age, it is so easy for me to text or email someone, but it takes a bit more effort to actually drive over and see them face to face. 

3.  Getting our backyard and garden renovation underway and completed.  This will be our big DIY project of the year, but one I am super excited about. 

4.  Finish Daisylynn's baby book, start the new baby's book and create a scrapbook for the family's year.  Scrapbooking is one of the things I miss most, so I'm excited to work on craving some time out each week for me to do something I love.  I'm going to try out Project Life this year, which I'm hoping will be a bit easier than my traditional scrapbooking.

5.  Get better organized.  Yep, I want to be even more organized than I already am.  I think the biggest areas I need to concentrate on are meal planning (I really stink at this) and creating better daily cleaning routines.  Right now I love to spend an entire day scrubbing the house down, but that is not working as well as it should since time is more of an issue than ever before.  I've been sneaking peeks every now and again at Flylady and I'm going to try to implement some of her daily routines into our life.  I know for a fact I won't commit to all of her advice (I'm just not a set the timer and clean for fifteen minutes type of gal), but I'm enjoying her take on creating a daily routine. 

6.  Continue on our real food/green living journey.  I'm looking forward  to making more of our own goods, including bread, green cleaners, laundry soap and trying out some new things, like no poo.  I would also really like to try a CSA out.

7.  Update the master bedroom with some better photo collages.  Frankly our wall arrangements suck and I'm looking forward to sprucing them up a bit.

8.  Once the baby is born, I want to focus on getting back to a healthy weight.  I foresee lots of walks with the little ones in my near future.

9.  Stay within budget.  Saving money for rainy days and living within our means are very important ideas that Mark and I strive to live by.  I want to focus more attention on tracking our spending, cutting back where we can and saving whatever is left over.

10.  Start a blog.  Honestly, I don't really know where this idea came from, but I kept coming back to this idea over and over again.  Frankly I miss writing now that I am done with school.  I miss sitting in front of the computer, typing rhythmically away, pouring my thoughts out of my mind and onto the screen.  I miss the realization that comes with it.  So, I'm going to blog or at least attempt to blog. 

What to-dos did you create for 2013?